Big Girl Underoos

Gone by the wayside

2009-11-03T16:18:00.003-05:00

I have no idea if anyone is reading this anymore. If you have been loyally checking back now and again I applaud you.

At one point this blog was a therapeutic outlet for me. I'm glad to have a chronicle of my experiences during this time of my life. Now, however, instead of a creative outlet it's more of a nagging reminder that I should be posting and this girl does not need one more thing on her "To Do" list.

I'd love for you to explore the archives if you so chose. If you have already done so, here's a brief update:

Friendster Guy and I are still together and co-habitating. We are in domestic, but still unwedded, bliss (that status could be a post or two in and of itself, but, as I've just said, I'm done with that.) We're so domesticated we're in the market for granite countertops. We also just returned from an Aussie/New Zealand vacation and if 8 days in a tiny RV won't solidify (or destroy) a relationship nothing will. We're stronger then ever.

So, they lived happily ever after. If that changes, I'll let you know.

I'll offer you $3,701

2009-02-27T23:28:00.002-05:00

I heard something on NPR the other night that made me literally gasp out loud and say "holy shit!"

The commentator was talking about how much money GM has lost in the last year and said, "Put it this way, GM has essentially lost $3,700 on every single car of the millions they sold last year."

That's just staggering.

Try this...

2008-12-29T20:54:00.003-05:00

Say "Irish Wristwatch"

Just once.

Three times is freakin' impossible.

New Year's Resolutions

2008-12-28T14:45:00.002-05:00

I like New Year's Resolutions.

Not only that, but I like creating themes for my resolutions.

In 2007 it was "Git 'er done!" and in 2008 it was "Use it or lose it!" (and addendum). I like blogging about them too because I can look back and both remind myself what the heck I wanted to accomplish and also see what I have accomplished. Looking back right now, I completed 5 of the 9 things in 2007. As for 2008, well, I did manage to get a massage every 6 to 8 weeks. That's gotta count for something!

This year's theme is...

2009: Sassy's Time to Shine!

It rhymes! And it's all about me! Whoo hoo!

Here, in no particular order, are the things I would like to accomplish in the next 12 months.

Start a storefront at Etsy.com
Figure out how to create and write an eBook. I've got a couple ideas rattling around in my head. Something about fitness or organizing. It's TBD, I've got 12 months to figure it out. The hard part is figuring out how to do it.
Write an article for the personal training industry website I have to read an article from (and take a quiz on) every month.
Start an IRA. Ok, so this has technically already been done but the first withdrawal doesn't happen until January 12th so I'm counting it.
Go to Australia and New Zealand! I have tentative plans to travel there in August.

There you have it - one down, four to go!

What are you doing in 2009?

My own personal chick flick

2008-12-04T09:59:00.003-05:00

Sassy Pants to Friendster Guy: "If you need me I'll be upstairs."

FG: "OK"

5 minutes pass...

FG tromps up the stairs and into the office and says, "I need you."

Sassy: "You do?"

FG: "Yup." He then gives Sassy Pants a big hug and kiss and tromps back down the stairs.

That man's a freakin' keeper.

Putting my money where my mouth is.

2008-12-04T09:28:00.004-05:00

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I am disturbed by all the commercialism that is the holiday season.

Since I vowed to abide by at least 6 of the 7 virtues (chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility) I had better get cracking.

For my first act I will be investing in humanity, not Wall Street, by donating to Kiva.org (see the ad in my side bar). Essentially, you loan $25 or more to an individual or organization to start or grow a business. Once that loan is repaid you can reinvest the money in someone else. It's the gift of giving that keeps on giving!

I also plan to give a $25 gift certificate to my 6 year old niece for Christmas and help her choose someone to help. She can follow their story via journal entries and track their progress. How cool is that?

Bravo!

2008-12-04T09:24:00.004-05:00

Hilarious! Star Studded! And right on the money. You go Hollywood stars!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

On the first day of Christmas...

2008-11-29T15:21:00.002-05:00

The fact that a Walmart worker was trampled TO DEATH by people rushing to shop on black Friday makes me absolutely nauseous.

It makes me want to boycott Christmas. I had already boycotted store bought gifts this year and plan to give things I've made myself. This just solidifies my choice.

I'm not naive. I know Christmas is a capitalistic holiday but I didn't realize just how much the 12 days of Christmas are about the 7 deadly sins. The greed, gluttony, wrath, envy, pride, lust (originally defined as extravagance), and even sloth (indifference) exemplified by this incident is too much to even comprehend.

Happily, each of the seven deadly sins has an opposite virtue. I'd like to bring more of them into my holiday season. They are chastity*, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility. I'm going to start by not shopping, or when I do (for things I need like food), also buying something to give to those less fortunate (such as food for a food pantry).

Happy holidays.

*Ok, maybe not chastity.

Slacker continued

2008-11-22T10:15:00.003-05:00

Between the fact that I don't sit at a computer all day anymore and when I do I'm updating my FaceBook status and occasionally writing posts on a professional website/blog I created for my clients I never get around to hanging out here on this here blog. Also, my life nowadays is pretty boring. I've gone through my divorce and subsequent dating frenzy and ended up on the other side as a homebody. I don't have a lot to write about at the moment.

I'm not giving up on Big Girl Underoos though. Maybe my 2009 resolutions will include a resurgence of posting.

We shall see.

The Morning After

2008-11-05T12:10:00.002-05:00

Anybody else having a democracy hangover?

Luckily, mine comes with a positive result. I'd hate to be a Republican today. Nothing goes with a hangover quite like a side of disappointment.

Hey!

2008-11-03T20:05:00.000-05:00

VOTE!

Just wanted to remind you.

Whoa. We really are in trouble...

2008-10-21T16:25:00.002-05:00

Check out this video. You'll be shocked (shocked I tell you!) by who "people on the street" are saying will bring real change to Washington. Seriously.

AARP 08 Video

Best Slogan Ever!

2008-10-21T16:11:00.002-05:00

From an ad I heard on the radio for Planned Parenthood:

"Don't do it without us!"

'Nuf said.

Yes, I am still alive.

2008-10-10T15:59:00.003-05:00

But I would like to talk about the undead for a second.

The other day Friendster Guy looked me deep in the eyes and said:

So ridiculous. Yet probably the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

2008-09-23T15:39:00.002-05:00

Dear men voting for McCain,

Just so you know, if McCain and Palin make it to the White House women of the United States will be abstaining from sex for the next four to eight years. Birth control fails, and, since you support it being taught in schools so much, abstinence is the only way to go.

Thought you'd like to know.
Sassy

-----------------------------

Dear Women voting for McCain/Palin -

Are you f%^$ing crazy?

Sassy

I'm going to hell...

2008-09-23T15:37:00.000-05:00

...but I'm going to be one of the first in line to see this.

Anxious?

2008-09-18T13:21:00.002-05:00

You ever have one of those days where you're anxious for no apparent reason? It feels like you had too much caffeine or sugar but you didn't have any?

That's me all day today.

I'm guessing it's coming from a big presentation/performance thing I have going on this weekend wherein I have to rap. Yes. Rap. Like this. Have I mentioned I'm a white girl from New Hampshire? I can't seem to control my nerves as much as I'd like to and it's annoying me. I really don't need to have butterflies 48 hours in advance. I'd be happy with just a couple hours of pre-performance freak out thank you very much.

Just call me Carrots

2008-09-14T08:31:00.004-05:00

I was told yesterday that I look like Megan Follows, the woman who played Anne in the PBS series Anne of Green Gables. I don't really see it; however, since I longed (who am I kidding, long) to be Anne and have Gilbert Blythe fall in love with me I'm going to take it in the flattering manner in which it was intended. Puff sleeves and all.

Literature or Decor?

2008-09-05T20:15:00.003-05:00

I stole this verbatim from Joolya at Naked Under My Lab Coat.

"What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, put in blue the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish."

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno (and Purgatory and Paradise)
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

I may have missed a couple since I can't remember if I read them or saw the movie or both. Especially all the Emma, Pride and Prejudice, etc...

'Scuse me, your mysogeny is showing.

2008-09-05T19:46:00.003-05:00

I'm not going to vote for Sarah Palin.

However.

I think it's bullshit when people comment that she shouldn't be running because she's got 5 kids and a lot on her plate (granddaughter on the way, a 5 month old with Down Syndrome). If someone said that about a man, well, I just don't know what I'd do because it wouldn't be said about a man. In fact, Obama got the opposite kind of flack for going on vacation and spending time with his daughters*.

Kids, can you say double standard?

Would I want her life? No.
Do I want her to win? No.
But do I think she has a right to run for political office? Absolutely.

*A spokesman for McCain painted the Hawaii trip as an indulgence. "Americans are facing sky-high gas prices, and instead of Barack Obama taking the initiative to call his allies in Congress back from vacation to carve out real energy relief, he's joining them at the beach," Tucker Bounds said.

Something I ate?

2008-09-05T13:00:00.003-05:00

I've been having the weirdest dreams lately. Last week I dreamed my niece went into a mine (or something like that) where bad (paranormal?) things had happened to kids over decades but instead of bad things happening to her she ended up being the "chosen one" and when she came out she brought all the other kids out with her. They were still the age they were when they went in and they were wearing their outfits from whatever period they were from. Hoop skirts, suspenders, etc...

Then, I had another dream where my Dad was morbidly obese. As in home bound. As in bring on the crane to get him out of bed. (I have to stop watching the Discovery Health channel.)

Finally, last night, I dreamed that Friendster Guy joined the military and was heading for Iraq. Without telling me. Boy was I pissed.

Psychic or self-fulfilling prophesy?

2008-08-30T12:00:00.005-05:00

In the next few weeks I will be attending my 10 year college reunion. Coincidentally, I was recently going through some old files and found something I had to write for my Senior Honors Seminar way back in '98. If I remember correctly, the assignment was to write a parting message about what you expected you'd be doing in the future or what you saw as the future of your chosen profession, possibly to be read by your future self.

As my future self, I read it and thought, "Holy crow! If I had really listened to what I was writing then, I might have gotten to this point sooner." If you've known me for a long time, or been reading this here blog, what do you think about my powers to predict the future? I think it's freaking eerie how well I already knew myself at 21. Hello? Quitting my PhD and getting divorced. Yeah, I already knew it was going to happen, just not consciously.

Note: Everyone else wrote boring essays on the future of their field, like teaching or accounting. I took a different tact and I'm glad. Here it is in all it's glory (and not quite 100% on the beat):

"When I grow up...

Five years from now I hope to be
A professor with a PhD
Or maybe I will change my mind
and get a Masters of some kind

I'll still be married, that I hope
But if I'm not I'm sure I'll cope.
I'll have spent 5 years in Texas State
I've heard it's nice, I hope it's great.

Ten years from now inside my home
Souvenirs from Paris, China, Rome
I'll have traveled near and traveled far
(But hopefully in a better car!)

My house will be built by a lake
With acres of land I'll have to rake
Two stories tall, a porch and garden
with infrequent bills to get all marred in.

When fifteen years from now have past
I won't believe they've gone so fast.
My jobs have changed, I've written books
For children, teachers, even cooks.

I'll own a store and sell my wares
Like stain glass lamps, mosaics, chairs?
I now give lessons on how to make
The things I sell and draw and bake.

20 years have past, I'm forty-one
My life half over? Just begun!
I have no kids, but that's ok
I didn't want them anyway.

I've taken classes, done some theater
I couldn't feel much more completer : )
People know just who I am
And better yet, I agree with them.

The year 2048
It's been some time since '98
S.U.'s a memory of the past
I wished that I could make it last

I'm still real close to those I met
As are you I'm going to bet.
They were the best years that I've had
And that I went, I sure am glad!"

See! Earlier this summer I found a quote from Frances Mayes in A Year In The World (she also wrote Under the Tuscan Sun). She wrote, "Only in looking back do you find those crumbs you dropped that marked your way forward." I agree, but I'd add that only in being mindful of your present do you keep moving and dropping those crumbs to be found.

I wonder about all the thoughts currently in my head and how they will pan out in the next 10 years. Whatever happens, I'm looking forward to it.

Joining in the collective surprise...

2008-08-29T11:59:00.003-05:00

...I feel I must comment on McCain's choice of running mate.

Wow. Didn't see that coming. (Not that I was really paying attention to that side too much.)

It's nice that the McCain camp can't really say anything about Obama not being experienced now. I like that she's a woman with a fascinating life but the fact that she is "a strong defender of traditional family values, with an unquestioned commitment to protect life." negates any possibility that I'd switch my vote to Republican.

If it does anything, McCain's selection of Governor Palin makes me stop and think for a second. Not question my vote for Obama, but think and ponder politics. If he'd picked another middle aged white guy I wouldn't have even batted an eyelash. Now, no matter what, this election is an historic one. I'm glad I get to participate.

Side note: I see Tina Fey doing a lot of impersonations from now until the election.

How to fall in love in 12 Steps

2008-08-24T14:16:00.003-05:00

I spent some time last week in my archives looking for good posts re: bad dates for Hypatia's blog. What I discovered there was that I'm glad I didn't listen to myself about my first impressions of Friendster Guy, the man I now love and live with. Apparently, I was playing a modified game of "He loves me, he loves me not" called "I like him, I like him not."

I love that I have this chronicle of our beginnings 3 years ago because I can see how very lucky/smart I was to keep trying to connect with him. And he with me. Go us!

If you care, here are my thoughts on our relationship from it's inception to solidification or monogamization or whatever. (I've excerpted from longer posts linked to in the titles.) Reading it all the way through made me a little weepy actually.

First Impression:
"I know you’ve been waiting with baited breath to hear about my first two dates!!! The first was with Friendster Guy for lunch. He’s even cuter in person than in his picture. He has beautiful gray eyes. He’s also very nice and sweet. I was really unsure of myself with him. But I don’t think it’s a match. I think we could definitely be friends but he’d have to grow on me to be more than that. Unfortunately, he is way too similar to my STBX [Soon To Be X Husband]. 1) Same name 2) grew up in NJ 3) only child 4) raised catholic. The more he told me about himself the more I wanted to start laughing at the irony. He explained at one point that if he lapsed into silence I should try not to feel uncomfortable, he was just quiet. Here I was, eating with someone I met at complete random on the internet and he was my STBX’s doppelganger. I think I need to email him and say I had a good time but I want to be just friends. I can use the completely valid excuse of him being the first person I met after the divorce. In fact, my divorce came up in conversation and I came totally clean about the timing and I even told him about his similarities to STBX. I told him if he wanted to run screaming from the room he could. He didn’t. He was very nice about the whole thing. I think he took it upon himself to make this transition as easy as possible for me. He mentioned that our date was a training date. Gosh he’s a nice guy. I think I already know what friend I'll set him up with."

Second Impression:
"In other news, because my life just seems to be one big ball of craziness, I left the mildly dull date and ran into Friendster #1 at Walmart. Why did I decide we weren’t a match? He’s really cute, and personable, and intelligent, and funny. I think I might need to give him a second chance. Do something as friends. There was much more of a spark there than there has been with these other guys. I’ll keep emailing him as friends and see what happens. I think I decided that because he was my very first post-divorce date that I shouldn’t go there. I’ve also already sort of passed him on to a friend of mine (I gave him her email address). Maybe she can’t have him (Sorry H if you’re reading this ; ) ) Hmmm…"

Third Impression:
"Friendster Guy and I have been emailing each other. I told him about the pot incident and he agreed on the lameness. He's going to make a nice friend."

Fourth Impression:
"I just got home from a date with Friendster Guy. He really is a sweetheart. A foot taller than me but very cute and less quiet than he was on our first date. We had Indian Food and then we went to a bookstore and wandered around while drinking coffee. It was very relaxed and we'd both like to get together again. We had a nice conversation about our experiences with Match.com and the people we are also currently dating. It makes me feel less sleazy and underhanded to know he knows I'm seeing other people. And it's good to know he is as well. Takes the pressure off of me a little."

Fifth Impression:
"You can't fake chemistry.

Even if you really, really want to. If you are waiting for someone to grow on you, that's a sure sign that there is chemistry missing. If, hypothetically, your first kiss with someone you've gone on 5 dates with turns into a 2 hour make-out session with partial nudity (hypothetically!), and even though you're enjoying yourself, you still don't feel that spark ("you" being someone else entirely. Not me. Definitely not me.), that's a bad sign.

I would give that person the following advice: Stop the relationship before it goes even further.

But then they'd say, "but he's nice, handsome, sweet, intelligent".

And I'd reply, "So? If you aren't feeling that spark, find it with someone else who is nice, handsome, sweet, and intelligent."

"But!"

"No buts! You're looking for a connection young lady. Not someone who's nice enough to hang out with. If you're forcing yourself to feel something it means you aren't feeling anything. Piss or get off the pot."

"But I don't want to hurt him."

"Oh please! You aren't in a committed relationship. Stop it before you'd feel even worse if you 'broke up'. You've met a nice guy who can now be a nice friend you happen to have seen naked. End of story."

Damn it, I hate when I'm right."

Sixth Impression:
"My first act since declaring it the year of me was to follow my own advice, and email Friendster Guy about our relationship or lack thereof. Granted, I wasn't 100% honest with him - i.e. I didn't say "Hey. We have no chemistry. It was nice meeting you." I don't know if that would have been the 100% honest thing to say anyway. The thing is, on the one hand I don't think the relationship is going anywhere. On the other hand, we could just be communicating on different levels and I am just not tuned in to the chemistry. Yes, yes, I know I am second guessing myself. How can you not be tuned in to the chemistry you ask? Isn't that just the point? Doesn't chemistry find you? Yes. But then again if he thinks he's giving off "you're hot" vibes and you just aren't hearing them, what happens when he gives you the decoder ring and you hear the vibes loud and clear? All you need is a way to decode what he's been saying all along and you're good to go. I wanted to give him a chance to give me the code. So I emailed him about it.

Here's an except: ( I mentioned that he was hard to read. He has already admitted this is true. I am explaining that there were certain things about my X that drove us apart. Being hard to read was one of them.)

My X was very hard to read as well. I had no idea if he was enjoying my company or not (so far I can tell you are, although it's subtle) and his most obvious expression was annoyance, usually at something I was doing. You can imagine how painful that would be. I got very little information from him as to how he felt about me. The main feeling I got was ambivalence. And even disinterest. For the last two years I was married to a person who did not seem at all attracted to me. To the point where I seriously thought (and even hoped) that he was gay. Seriously. To be in a relationship where you constantly wonder (and in your heart know) someone is not attracted to you is very, very difficult. I may be more scarred from that than I realize. I don't want to say I'm needy because that wouldn't be true but I do have a high need to know where I stand. I don't want to guess if someone is or is not attracted to me. Obviously you and I cleared that up a little recently. : )

Where does this leave us? I'm not exactly sure. I have no idea what your expectations are and I'm entering the very new territory of the dating world so I don't know the etiquette. I am dating other people. I know your Match profile is still up. Sometimes I just shake my head and say what the hell am I doing? I'm not sure if I actually want an answer to that question. I'm interested to hear from you and get your side of the story and your take on our situation. I get a sense that the woman you were with before hurt you. That I could read.

I'm sorry to have opened up the proverbial fire hose on you. But 2006 is my year of honesty. And also the year of me. Every one of the other 28 years was about me thinking about someone else. I'm not going to stop that but I'm putting myself first.

Very sweetly he emailed me back saying he's trying to compose a response but in the meantime wanted to let me know he was not upset with me. How great is that? You know how I feel about email and the way it makes you crazy in the head when someone deosn't reply. How cool that he intuited that."

Seventh Impression:
"After my email, Friendster Guy really took the time to let me know at least some of what he was feeling in our situation and he's growing on me again. Slowly and persistently, like a fungus, but growing none-the-less. I think part of the missing chemistry had to do with our very early decision after our first date to just be friends. He took it to heart. I had loosened up on that restriction but hadn't let him know. So, when we were out he wasn't being all that flirty. And I am receptive to flirting. Since we hadn't done any flirting foreplay I didn't think there was chemistry. We need some more time to go out when both of us are thinking we're dating and see how it goes. I bet it goes well."

Eighth Impression:
"A Phone Conversation:

Me: "In the spirit of full disclosure, I should let you know I am signed up to auction myself off at a batchelor/batchelorette auction next month."

Friendster Guy: "How much does a single girl go for these days? Will I have to bring my checkbook?"

Right thing to say Friendster Guy. Right thing to say."

Ninth Impression:
"The results of this test were dead on. John Cusack and I are already secretly involved so there was no surprise there. But please keep that on the down low. We like to keep that under wraps.

My celebrity love match is - The Boy Next Door: Matt Damon

When it comes to love, you're looking for a man with "white picket fence" potential: the guy who will compliment your mom, helps clean the dishes and could melt the polar ice caps with his smile. He's not always perfect and can be a tad too predictable at times, but you'll love the fact that he's got a dependable job, coaches Little League on the weekends and still finds time to let you know how much he loves you. He's more "apple pie" than "devil's food cake" -- but that means the last thing he'll want to do is break your heart.

Other matches: Usher, Zach Braff, John Cusack, Michael J. Fox, Denzel Washington

I'm definitely getting a crush on Friendster Guy because as I read the description above I'm finding myself annoyingly happy that he fits the bill. All of a sudden a switch has gone off somewhere in my brain where I now want to use the word "we" in a sentence involving him. And not in the sentence "We decided to just be friends.""

Tenth Impression:
"In reponse to Jen M's comment, Friendster Guy is pretty much perfect. The jury is still out as to whether he is perfect for me. I can wish for one verdict but sometimes that's not enough, or not the right one in the long run.

If my life were a movie (and why shouldn't it be?) this would be the part where the audience yells at me for being an idiot for letting a good guy go. Don't worry, so far he's still around. We're making plans for Friday night that hopefully will involve a lot of talking. No couches. He's so quiet I don't feel like I know him yet and I want to give him every opportunity to surprise me into sparks.

I have a fear that I need to be aware of and counteract. My fear is that because Friendster Guy shares many similarities with my X I am making assumptions about ways he might respond to certain situations. That's not really fair. For instance, there is a semi-formal I am planning on attending next month. If Friendster Guy is like my X, he will not enjoy himself and I will feel like I'm forcing him to be there. However, he could, and probably would, surprise me and be all for dancing the night away with drunken graduate students he doesn't know. At the same time, I'd rather not have to "test" him to figure this out. I just want to have a good time. I want to go with someone who I know I won't have to babysit (I did a lot of cajoling and compromising with my X to get him to go to things with me. Even though he ended up having a good time it wasn't fun having to practically grovel each time I wanted him to join me at an event). I think it would be more fun to go with High School Guy now that we have established boundaries as friends. He's social, funny, and can work a crowd. Plus, if I go with a friend I can flirt with people at the dance and my date won't care.

The fact that I want to flirt with other guys at the dance seems to indicate that I am either not ready for a relationship or not ready for a relationship with my current options. I think the latter is true.

SassyPants' prediction for 2006 (it may not be smart but it's probably true): Here's what I predict is going to happen. I am going to give Friendster Guy the old college try. I'm going to drive myself crazy wondering why it just isn't working with such a great guy. I'm going to get in deeper than I wanted to. I am going to wonder why the hell I didn't nip this in the bud when I first saw the no chemistry signs. You are going to get to watch me spiral into stupidity and doubt."

Eleventh Impression:
"Friendster Guy being at least superficially like my X is turning out to be a good thing. For one, he keeps surprising me by not being like my X. A pleasant surprise now and again does a body good. You know what else does a body good? Well, something else I choose not to talk about directly on this blog that's what.

Anyway...

Another reason the similarities he has with my X (and my fears around that) are good is I am forced to take note of how I react to things he does or things I think he will do. With some other guy completely unlike my X I'd still have the same fears but I might not address them directly or even recognize the way they make me react. For instance, I am slightly nervous, or at least shy, to ask Friendster Guy to dinner with some friends of mine. As mentioned previously, my X was not really social and made me jump through hoops to get him to go anywhere with me. I find myself making assumptions that Friendster Guy will not want to go. However, because I am aware of his similarities to X and am trying to counteract my potential reaction to them, I am working against those assumptions. Does any of that make sense?

Let's see if I can make it simpler -
Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step in any 12 Step Program. With a guy dissimilar to my X, I might not realize I have a problem (i.e. all the neurotic crazy things floating in my head as a result of my last relationship). But with Friendster Guy they pop right to the surface and I must face them.

I might have to share this with Friendster Guy so he can be aware of why I might do some of the things I do."

Twelfth Impression:
"...the closest thing I have to a boyfriend at the moment, Friendster Guy, is taking me out this evening to the theater. HMS Pinafore by Gilbert & Sullivan as a matter of fact. Since I had no idea this show was happening in my area when he invited me I wonder how much thought he put into the date. Did he see the ad and think, Gee, I'd really like to see a Gilbert and Sullivan production? Or did he think, Gee, Sassy Pants likes musicals, I wonder if she'd like to see a Gilbert and Sullivan production? Either way, he gets bonus points because 1) it's a Gilbert and Sullivan production, and 2) he invited me. In fact, he invited me a week beforehand. Bonus points again for forethought. So far, my sister and a friend of mine have both given me Seriously? looks when I told them what I was going to this evening. I'm not sure if the look was a reaction to their disinterest in seeing a G&S show or their curiosity/disbelief as to why a guy would. I don't really care.

I think it's great. It's nice to know he's cultured and even knows who Gilbert & Sullivan are, or at least what they do. I'm looking forward to it. I've even gotten all dolled up. I have on nylons and a dress people. This is not an everyday occurrence. Even though I have great legs (if I do say so myself) I choose to wear pants most of the time. I just can't be bothered with keeping a no run stock of hosiery. I go to the gym most every day, sometimes twice, and having to get in and out of nylons is a pain in the tookus. Plus, if truth be told, I'm not the most consistent shaver in the world. Luckily I am blessed with soft, fine hair so I can go a couple days and no one would even notice. Unfortunately this soft, fine hair is also all I have on my head so I'm stuck with very few hair cut options. Thank goodness I can pull off a pixie cut.

Gotta run kids. Time for my date. : )"

And Finally -
"I had a great conversation with Friendster Guy last night. I got over myself (and insecurity and fear of rejection) and finally told him about this blog (and some other stuff). His main reaction was surprise that he hadn't found it already, until I told him that it was anonymous. I told him some of the content, and how it started out as a journal of my life as a single girl and therefore chronicles the early days when we met. I said I'd be happy to let him read it but if he went into the archives he'd have to promise me he'd keep reading because otherwise he'd only get bits and pieces of my feelings right at that moment in time and that wouldn't be fair. He agreed and said he understood. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to read it because he didn't want to change the art of the thing. See, he totally gets it. He keeps surprising me that Friendster Guy.
I told him that what I write has already changed out of respect for him and our relationship. He laughed when I said he had a fan base and people rooting for him.

I asked him to tell me if anything I wrote affected him in a negativeway. He seems to be a much more private person than I so he might not appreciate some of the things I've written. Or he could continue to surprise me and thinks it's all hilarious. It's a little bit of an experiment I must say. It's a risk I'm willing to take."

Stalkers beware

2008-08-24T14:13:00.004-05:00

If you've ever received a creepy email or phone message from a potential date, this is hilarious. Make sue to watch the second video - Nothing like getting lemons and making lemonade.

Tales too terrible to tell (to only one person)

2008-08-19T17:48:00.004-05:00

My friend started a new blog: I Know Why You're Single. I love the premise and just looked through my archives for stories to share. I know you've got some doozies too. Go forth and share your woes and adventures.

Touch me baby!

2008-08-14T20:17:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I know I've been MIA for a couple weeks here. You can blame Friendster Guy. He bought me an iTouch for my birthday (awesome!!!) but because of it I can check my email anywhere and no longer find myself sitting at a computer terminal. I tried to blog from my iTouch this morning but I can't figure out how to type in Blogger. I'll have to start emailing myself the text and then downloading it some other time. However, it's kind of tough to type long statements with the tips of your fingers. It's great for quick emails but not paragraphs of bloggy information.

Except for keeping me away from blogging, the iTouch is wicked awesome (please note: I am originally from Massachusetts and am therefore allowed to use the word "wicked" with impunity.) I only asked for an MP3 player and I got the whole internet.

I did have to explain to FG that giving a girl a small box and saying "This comes with a question" is not the right way to go about giving said girl a gift that is decidely not an engagement ring. His question turned out to be "When does your cell phone contract expire?" because he would have upgraded me to an iPhone if it was soon. His heart was in the right place but the romance was a little lacking. Can't blame a a guy for trying.

The gift of literal and psychic space

2008-08-02T15:41:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow is my birthday.

As it is my birthday I must comply with my birthday tradition of purging the same number of things as my new age, i.e. since I will be 32 in a few short hours I need to donate, toss or otherwise give away 32 things.

I started the project this morning with trepidation. Trepidation because I have been in a constant state of purging for awhile now and wasn't sure I'd even have 32 things to purge, at least not without some psychological pep talking. But I persisted. I started after my shower by tossing an old bottle of sunless tanner that I never used, the conditioner that came with my hair dye, a sample container of mouse whose nozzle didn't work, and several other things from the drawers in my bathroom. Next, while I was fixing breakfast I tossed a few things from the fridge. I don't know if those really count since they had to be tossed anyway but at least it kept me in purge mode. Nothing else in the kitchen jumped out and said "toss me" so I had to choose another room.

I'd already done a super purge of my closet in June so I wasn't sure I'd find anything in there. I managed to add a pair of capris my sister gave me to the pile. My reasoning for this toss was that no matter how many times I stuck them in the dryer they were constantly wrinkled and I can't be bothered to iron nice clothes never mind casual clothes so out they went. Someone else can deal with the wrinkles.

Next, I stumbled across my jewelry box. This, in terms of purging, was definitely the mother load - the place were all things small have come to rest over the past several years. Not only did it contain every earring I've ever owned since I got my ears pierced at 5, but it also held the magnets I had on the refrigerator at my last apartment, some mini frames I was going to give someone at some point, and every button that has come with every item I've ever purchased. Needless to say, I didn't need even a quarter of it. I did so well tossing everything out that when I was all through I didn't even need the jewelry box itself (it was a crappy plastic 5 drawer thing anyway so I wasn't all that sad to see it go.) To round out my purge I also got rid of a Christmas Mickey Mouse mug, a Davinci Code board game and a Disney Chess set, all of which were given to me by my mother in well meaning but misguided gift giving moments. Thanks but no thanks Mom.

My birthday-eve purgefest was a wonderful success. It even inspired Friendster Guy to go through a box or two of his stuff. Go us.

Save a tree and your sanity.

2008-07-22T14:40:00.002-05:00

Tired of receiving 14 credit card offers in the mail every day?

Opt out for 5 years by going here

I've done this before and I the only negative is that it seems that as soon as I check my credit score the offers start coming again. It may be coincidence or the fact that I keep changing my address. Either way, you may need to do it again at some point in the future.

A New Goal

2008-07-19T20:44:00.003-05:00

I used to want to grow up to be Dame Judy Densch. Now I also aspire to be Julie Walters.

A scene from Mamma Mia (go see it! Hilarious and cheesy! Perfect for a summer evening.) below.

Does this mean I have to give him an allowance?

2008-07-14T20:03:00.003-05:00

Whilst Friendster Guy and I were checking out at the grocery store:

Checkout lady: "Is this your son?"

Uh.

No.

In fairness (?), she was trying to figure out if FG needed to be carded for buying beer. Apparently, she needs glasses. Or I need some surgery. Needless to say it provided us with hours of comedic material. And she did apologize profusely.

God speed, Tony Snow

2008-07-12T20:09:00.002-05:00

Earlier today I was listening to an NPR story on Tony Snow, the former press secretary who just died of colon cancer. Turns out, that in addition to having a job that would be my own personal version of hell, he was a jazz flutist. After hearing a few clips, I've decided that the soundtrack in said personal hell would feature the jazz flute in heavy rotation.

To each their own.

[This clip from Anchorman makes the genre almost tolerable. Almost.]

White Folk 101

2008-07-11T16:36:00.004-05:00

When I went away to college the first few days were filled with freshman orientation. This was mostly a whole bunch of 18 year olds hanging out together, meeting their faculty advisers, and getting, well, oriented. One of the things the university planned for us was entertainment of the ice breaking kind.

Now, I had come from what would be called an inner city school to this university in the middle of Amish country. My high school had double the population and 8.3 million times the diversity. My high school class was 30% Caucasian, 30% African American, 30% Hispanic and 10% other. My university had about 3 black kids and a couple of international students. Other than that, it was white, white, white. White.

Until this orientation get-to-know-you-thingy, I hadn't realized that despite being heavily Caucasian myself, I hadn't really grown up within "white culture." One of the activities was a sing along (I know, totally fun thing to do with a bunch of strangers you just met. You're so jealous.) Turns out, I had not been exposed to something most of these other white folks had been raised with and that was Jimmy Buffet. All of a sudden a whole cafeteria full of people were singing:

I don't know, I don't know,
I don't know where I'm a-gonna go
When the volcano blows.

I clearly remember being on the edge of panic thinking, "What the fuck? Did I miss a memo?" It was like those dreams where you get to class and there's a test you didn't know about. My test was on "things white people listen to." If they had asked, "what is CCR?" I would have been equally baffled. Yet everyone else seemed to be up on their John Fogerty and Bob Seger. I can imagine it's what being an exchange student feels like but I didn't have a cool accent or second language to fall back on.

The whitest music I listened to was probably Boys to Men. If they'd asked me to sing all the lyrics to TLC's Ain't too Proud to Beg or Gerardo's Rico, Suave I could have. Am I proud of that? Maybe. All I knew then was that somewhere in my upbringing I missed out on very pertinent white folk information. (Later in the year I couldn't believe the fervor that happened whenever the latest J. Crew catalog hit campus.)

Luckily, I had brought along my Weird Al collection so I was still accepted as one of them. Sort of. [Aside: for a list of other things white people like, go here.]

And here, for your own edification are TLC, Gerardo, and Jimmy.

Life's a Beach

2008-07-10T15:22:00.003-05:00

While I was on vacation last week my brain wandered, as it tends to do anyway but really does while relaxing on vacation, and I kept having thoughts. The kind of thoughts that lead to really random blog posts as well as really long to do lists. Because I was on vacation with little else to do but eat and read (awesome!) I started writing these thoughts down (dangerous). As I now scan this list of non sequitors I see that I decided that it would be a good idea to talk to my boss about speaking at a personal training conference. (What?) I also wrote down things like "mosaic the book shelf in the kitchen " and "do an oral history of my friends who escaped Iran during the revolution."

Am I kidding me?

Luckily, there was one thing I wrote down that does not involve me starting a 6 to 24 month to lifetime project and that was my list titled, "How to make real life more like a vacation." Now this, this I can get behind. The other things are just a teensy bit on the side of crazy talk. So, without further ado, here is how I decided to make life more vacationy.

Work less (duh!)
Keep life simple (you always bring more stuff than you need on vacation with you, same is true in real life, downgrade)
Be a tourist in your own area
Eat locally and not at chain restaurants
Spend less money
Spend more time on things you want to do than on things you think you need to do.
Read more and don't save "summer reading" for the summer
Create a "getaway"space, somewhere comfy and cozy in your house to escape to.
Take walks
Take deep breaths
Keep only beautiful meaningful, useful things
Eliminate the guilt from doing all of the above and below
Visit galleries, museums, and artistic spaces
Eat out for breakfast
Take naps
Own only white or off-white linens (everything matches everything else)
Go on a picnic
Take art and/or cooking and/or dance classes
Eat more slowly
to be continued...

Do you have anything you'd add?

Caveat Emptor

2008-07-07T13:23:00.004-05:00

I am aware of advertising. Mostly.

I am aware of advertisings ability to make me want things. Things, that until I saw the advertising, I didn't even know existed.

I am aware that advertising makes a person's head do crazy things. It can make me want to drive 75 miles to the nearest Target or TGIFriday's.

It's good to be reminded of this and to talk myself out of purchases.

My latest advertisement induced craving is for this fancy pomegranate raspberry juice (that I am having a Dicken's of a time finding on the internet and therefore can't show you). I don't even buy juice. For one, I'm too cheap ($4 plus per container) and for another, I don't like to drink my calories. Just eat a piece of fruit and have a glass of water.

However, I have recently found myself scanning the shelves of my Cooperative grocery store for this product. When I found it was not carried (it's a small store and you'd be hard pressed to find many items readily available at most super stores - although now I'm wondering if said product even exists) I started thinking about how I should drive 10 miles out of my way, on a street I normally avoid like the plague just to see if they had it. I was honest to goodness making plans even though I would be spending extra money on gas. For juice that I don't even know what it tastes like.

I'm choosing now to make a public declaration - I will not buy this juice! I will not be disappointed in something I didn't even know existed until I saw the stupid ad. I will watch less TV so as to avoid the bombardment of things that will supposedly make my life better but
in reality will just empty my wallets and make me feel guilty.

Ha, take that ad guys!

Note: I found it, sort of, it's Tropicana Pure Raspberry Acai juice. And I'm not the only one enthralled with this commercial.

Note 2: Friendster Guy found it for me!

Two things...

2008-06-26T13:12:00.002-05:00

1) I finished #8 on my Git 'er done list!!! Whoo! That's right, I finally finished my quilt. It's kind of jalopy-ish and I certainly wouldn't give it to anyone as a gift but the first thing Friendster Guy did when he saw it was ask if he could bring it to work for his night shifts. Awesome.

2) From Affluenza - "Americans spend more on trash bags than 90% of the world's 210 countries spend for everything." Dang. If that doesn't rock you back on your heels I don't know what will.

It's not how much you make, it how much you spend.

2008-06-24T17:02:00.003-05:00

As you know if you've read the last few posts, I've been on a mission to clean and purge my stuff. Part of my new found ambition has to do with some books I've been reading or perhaps the books I'm reading have to do with my new found ambition. Whichever is the chicken or the egg, I've been on a mission to both stop spending and to have less stuff.

As for the books I've been reading, I tend to find myself in a section of the library and go a little berserk. This time I happened to be in the "live without a lot of stuff/simplify" section. I don't know exactly where that lands in the Dewey decimal system but in case you are interested here are a few "suggested readings"

Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter by Elaine St. James
Some of her 100 things are a little...nutty - like making a batch of bran muffins every week and having that for most of your meals (#61) or having a fruit or juice fast one day a week (#59) - but if you ignore those parts and focus on the less crazy things it's a good book to start with.

Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic by John de Graaf, David Wann, and Thomas H Naylor
This book started out as a PBS documentary (See the first part below). It explains how American culture has changed from one of community to one of consumerism. It's an entertaining way to make you think. And it make me realize that I'm glad I don't live near a mall. What's scary is that it's from the late 90's and the statistics are even more bleak now.

Another book you might enjoy is Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping by Judith Levine.
I read this a couple years ago and really enjoyed it.

Needless to say, please don't buy these books. Go forth and use your library card. Let me know if you find anything interesting.

Aging gracefully requires humor and lots of it.

2008-06-24T13:09:00.001-05:00

This is awesome. Thanks NPapaya for the head's up.

Just do it

2008-06-22T20:09:00.002-05:00

I don't know why but this past week I've been in super-efficiency mode. Or at least super-work-on-projects mode. In addition to cleaning out my closet (see a few posts back) I also did a consolidation and reorg of all my cleaning supplies (the people we bought the condo from left a plethora of various sprays and foams and such in all of the cabinets. I've never seen so many varieties of Lysol disinfectant spray in my life), organized my basement, and I even worked on a quilt I haven't touched in at least 3 years (see #8). Here's hoping the inspiration continues because at this rate I'll have crossed everything off my to do list by Labor Day.

15 down, 44 to go

2008-06-20T20:24:00.002-05:00

The other day I found a list I wrote titled "I'd like to..." It doesn't have a date on it but I'd guesstimate from some of the things I've already completed on the list that it's from 2002-2003. Here, in all it's glory, is my list. I've marked the things I have done in red. I'm really quite pleased with how much I've accomplished.

Visit Morocco (done- 2004)
Spike my hair (done - 2006 at a charity fashion show)
Go visit friend in China - unfortunately that friend no longer lives there.
See the Redwoods (done - 2005 in Muir Woods, CA)
Take whitewater kayak lessons
Work at alma mater - I'm not so much interested in this anymore. There was a perfect opportunity awhile ago but since I switched careers it didn't make sense, or interest me.
Weigh 125 pounds - I managed this for about a week.
Do a handstand while touching my toes to the back of my head.
Build (design) my own house.
Own a dog or two.
Have a garden with fanciful corners everywhere.
Make a living doing what I love, whatever that may be.
Visit Australia - I'm currently planning a trip for fall of 2009
Visit Ireland.
Volunteer at Planne dParenthood.
Wear leather pants.
Be able to french braid my hair - Given that my hair is currently 2-3 inches long this isn't high on my list to get done.
Decorate my house any way I want.
Go on a cross country trip stopping anywhere I want
Be an artist/artisan
Be a professional organizer - I've now done this several times. In fact, I'm supposed to get back to someone about scheduling another session.
Age gracefully.
Learn a craft and be good at it.
Get a dragon tattoo on my back.
Be able to run 5 miles in a row.
Master the Spanish language - yeah, buena suerte con este.
Wear, and look good in, a bikini.
Write a novel.
Be able to do the splits in all three directions.
Climb all the way up Mount Washington, NH.
Be wealthy - I think my thoughts on what wealth is have changed since I wrote this list.
Be passionate about something.
Sing in a lounge act.
Have a cool nickname - Devastation, 'nuf said.
Get a manicure.
Be athletic.
Do something that few people have done - like hike the Appalachian Trail or climb Mount Everest.
Be on a TV show as an extra or guest appearance.
Be beautiful, not just cute - I don't know if I am allowed to determine if I've done this or not.
Be a free spirit.
Own a beach house with my friends.
Know what my greatest accomplishment so far is.
Join a sports team.
Learn a new skill every year - so far so good.
Take a "round the world" cruise.
Learn to drive stick - I'm a few more drives away from feeling comfortable with this.
Learn automechanics.
Take classes at the League of NH Craftsmen
Do the 3 day breast cancer walk. (Ok, I did the 2 day)
Own a house perfect for entertaining.
Get an article published in "Rosie" - oops, that no longer exists...how about Real Simple instead?
Write a book of organizing tips
Write and illustrate a children's book
Bellydance on stage - I took the class...
Learn to juggle
Teach sex-ed

And here are three new ones that have been floating around in my mind

Speak at a professional conference
Be an NPR contributor (a voice on the radio, not just a donor)
Get a tattoo that looks like henna.

Spring cleaning, just under the wire

2008-06-20T20:09:00.002-05:00

With tomorrow being the official start of summer, and the whole 100 things thing, I figured it was about time to get in some spring cleaning. I spent about 3 hours today trying on all my clothes, emptying all my drawers and purging my wardrobe. I filled two big bags with my cast-offs. I feel very good after getting rid of 4 pairs of shoes and over 25 articles of clothes, not counting socks and things I simply threw away.

Tomorrow, off to the donation center!

Patron of the Arts

2008-06-19T18:23:00.003-05:00

Friendster Guy and I are now official patrons of the arts. In the last month we have donated to a theater group I was involved with AND just become members of NPR for the first time. I feel so...I don't know... liberal? Erudite? Cultured. Yes, that's it. Cultured. FG adds "magnanimous and munificent", both of which are good words as well. Humble, not so much.

In that spirit (the magnanimous, not humble, spirit that is), I would like to share with you the following Latte Art I heard about on NPR today (I'm a member now you know.)

100 Things

2008-06-13T18:09:00.004-05:00

Last year I created a new birthday tradition wherein I purge the same number of items as my new age. This year that would be 32 things. Since my birthday isn't until August I've got a couple months to think about what to get rid of but just this morning I read an article in Time magazine about a movement to purge your belongings down to 100 Things. I find the idea fascinating. I find the act of trying to do that terrifying if not downright impossible.

Many things flood my brain when I think of going through with such a task. For instance, I have lots of hobbies. Do I get rid of my arts and crafts supplies? What if I feel like coloring? Or embossing some homemade cards? Now that I think about it, I actually own two different embosser thingies. And the last time I used them was ....? Should I keep them just in case? Come to think of it, is my ability to make embossed cards just adding more stress to my life? I haven't thought about making cards in a long time but now I feel like I should because I have all the supplies. Hmmm...This could actually be an interesting project on numerous levels. Maybe I should aim for 500 things first.

In the meantime, I'll peruse this guy's blog about his own quest to get down to 100 things. (Here's his archives with more entries)

I see your true colors

2008-06-10T07:05:00.003-05:00

This is an oddly relaxing color quiz. Something about having to look at pictures of beautiful objects and think about vacation puts me in a good mood. Or, it could be that I just got an hour "off" because a client canceled. Sure, it's money I don't get paid but it's an hour of my own earned.

I'm "Tapestry and Mosaic" I'm so not surprised. I love all things Moroccan and my home looks like the inside of a Panera (red, orange, green). My secondary colors are Pop Art.

Happiness is...

2008-06-08T08:19:00.001-05:00

...realizing that the next time you go to the library you'll be picking out books to bring with you on vacation.

Think he needs a personal trainer?

2008-06-05T14:46:00.004-05:00

I am now one step closer to being able to say "I worked out with the President of the United States."

Crisis Averted

2008-06-02T19:40:00.002-05:00

Here's something that will get your heart pitterpattering... or stop it altogether.

I turned on my computer and it opened up fine (i.e. no blue screen of death) except my settings were missing. Then I discovered that all my files were gone. Gone. Music, photos, thesis, documents, work stuff. Everything.

Amazingly, instead of curling into the fetal position and having a well-deserved freak out I calmly told Friendster Guy my computer was FUBAR and let him play with it for a little while. In the meantime I reconciled myself to a life without whatever was on my computer and gave everything up for lost. I was still perfectly calm and nonchalant. There may have been Xanax in in my Indian take-out because that was not my normal response.

Luckily, FG, the fabulous man that he is, was able to figure out why my computer had spontaneously decided to try to give me an ulcer/aneurysm (even though I didn't take the bait). Something about having created a Guest setting sometime in the last 6 months. I do not know. I am however, glad it's fixed.

Age is a state of mind, not a fashion statement.

2008-05-31T20:35:00.003-05:00

I went into a Forever 21 store today.

Turns out, that's just the name of the store, not an actual attainable state of being. Unless, perhaps, you're under 21 and/or deluded.

I walked in, saw very small articles of clothing made of super cheapo materials being fondled by hoardes of 14 years olds, and hightailed it out of there. There happened to be a mall security guard standing at the entrance (clue number two that I wasn't in the right place and should make my way to Ann Taylor Loft toot suite) and as I left I said to him, "I don't think I'm 21 anymore."

I don't think he got it.

But I did end up buying a slammin' dress at JCPenney instead. Ok, 3 slamming dresses. What? I have 3 weddings and 2 rehearsal dinners to attend this summer. But the first slammin' dress was a total impulse buy simply because I tried it on, it fit, and I've had an off the shoulder bias dress fetish for awhile now (see this post from 1 year ago.) Now I just need a place to wear it. And some Spanx.

I'm a real boy!

2008-05-29T13:53:00.004-05:00

Wait, let me explain...

I'm going to a conference this weekend. A personal training conference. Only one other person I know will be there and he's unlikely to socialize with me much. I think this is a rite of passage after which I'll be a real personal trainer. Not that I'm not now, but think about it - what if you did a 180 degree career change and then went to a conference about that career? It would be a pretty big deal yes?

Actually, I don't know if I've ever gone to a conference "by myself." It's always been with colleagues. This could be fun, or terrifying. Luckily, I'll be staying at a friend's house so if I feel the need for companionship (or skipping class) I'll have ready access.

Spring is in the air

2008-05-24T19:58:00.003-05:00

I witnessed 50 people streaking across campus today.

What did you do?

Memories, all alone in the...hmmm, what was I doing?

2008-05-20T11:53:00.003-05:00

How come whenever I'm away from a computer I think of the most fabulous, witty, and dare I say, profound things to blog about but whenever I sit down in front of a keyboard I turn into Gomer Pile or an amnesia patient?

If you can figure that out you might win a prize. Not the Nobel, but perhaps a Webby or something.

Which reminds me of a thing I was listening to on NPR today about "The Woman Who Can't Forget"

"... Jill Price is able to recall every detail of every single day of her life since she was the age of 12. Her book is called "The Woman Who Can't Forget" and Price will tell us what happens to her when she recalls the memory of, say, that first kiss...and that first break up."

Can you imagine? It would be nice to remember every happy thing but what about every slight, every insult, every embarrassment, every grudge, every moment of high school? Dear God! That would suck. Talk about needing therapy. Our brain was made to compartmentalize and, I'd guess, desensitize us to what goes on over the course of a lifetime. If I wasn't able to forget certain things I'd think I'd be angry all the time. It's hard to forgive and forget if you literally can't forget.

Speaking of which, if I'd remained married, yesterday would have been my 10 year anniversary. Can you say, dodged that bullet? Phew. The big benefit of my brain being able to forget is that I can simply look at May 19th as a date I had a big party with all my friends and family and not as a regret. Thank goodness I have CRS*.

*Can't Remember Shit

Swan Lake - Cirque du Soleil style

2008-05-08T20:41:00.002-05:00

Holy moly. Just watch this. If it doesn't make you want to stretch and get better balance I don't know what will.

It's a bathroom miracle

2008-05-07T18:10:00.004-05:00

I don't think I've ever seen this happen. In fact, I didn't think it could happen. Ladies and gentlemen, my shampoo and conditioner ran out at the same time. Never before have I been able to replace both with something new and follicularly exciting. Usually, I have to have either mismatched products (for example: tea tree oil shampoo and color enhancing conditioner) or three bottles of each cluttering up the important bath lip real estate in order to have "matching" hair products.

Needless to say I am very happy with this new development.

Sassy as Jack Handy

2008-04-30T19:20:00.003-05:00

You know that game you play with the other person or persons in your home where you each ration toilet paper squares in order to not have to be the one to change the roll?

Yeah, that's a fun game.

Me, only pinker

2008-04-24T20:34:00.002-05:00

This weekend is my brother's wedding. See my avatar for an approximation of what I will be looking like as a bridesmaid. Only the dress is floor length, my boobs aren't quite so fruit-like, and my waist can actually accommodate internal organs.

Inspiration from the archives

2008-04-24T20:18:00.003-05:00

I was having a hard time finding anything to blog about so I decided to take a walk down memory lane and see what I was doing this time last year. Turns out, I was in the Bahamas! Awesome.

What's even more awesome is knowing that at this time last year I needed that vacation. I mean REALLY, really, REALLY needed that vacation. Really. And this year? Not so much. Sure, I'm busy and never get to see my friends and family but I'm not having a mental breakdown. In fact, I'm actually quite happy and content. And that makes me even more happy and content. My head was well on its way to exploding last year at this time and it's good to be reminded that all the changes I've made since then have been for the better.

Now, two years ago I was rambling on about Eye Babies. I'd like to report that even two years later Friendster Guy and I are still having optical intercourse. Score for us.

On another more disturbing note, sweet Mary and Joseph, do I sound like my mother in that post from 2 years ago. Just trust me on this one. Yikes.

Beware The Crimson Shirley Temple

2008-04-20T20:28:00.004-05:00

In lieu of something edifying, here's a silly little meme I stole from Queen Geek

I used "Sassy Danger Pants" as my name when it called for my actual name. Yes, Danger is my middle name.

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Mother and Father's middle name): Ruth Paul

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad): Clarence Laurier

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name): Pansa

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal!): Red Lion

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born): Danger Boston

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning): The Crimson Shirley Temple

7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 3 letters of your last name): Sants

8. GANGSTA NAME: ( fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie): Chocolate Fudge Brownie Thin Mint, but you can call me Cho Bro Mo for short.

9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pets name, current street name): Zilch Reed

10. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy): Nothing Dark Chocolate

11. PORN NAME: (1st pets name, street you grew up on): Boots Williamson

Warning: Total ego trip alert

2008-04-19T13:34:00.002-05:00

It's freakin' cool to look hotter at 31 than I did at 21.

And even if I don't (which I totally do) at least I feel like I do and that f'ing rocks. If I keep getting better with age (physically AND mentally) I'm SO looking forward to my 40s, 50s, etc...

Get smart, do good.

2008-04-15T18:00:00.001-05:00

Learn something and feed the world.

www.freerice.com

Fugly or fabulous?

2008-04-05T21:16:00.005-05:00

Have you seen these? I kinda hate myself for wanting to try on a pair.

I am supposed to wear silver shoes in my brother's wedding...

Is it just me?

2008-04-05T21:02:00.005-05:00

Did you ever notice that when you really, really, need to pee and then you finally get to that it takes forever? Like after the initial whoosh everything comes out in a tiny little trickle that lasts and lasts and lasts. No? That doesn't happen to you? Oh.

Nevermind.

Uh, check out his bizarre statue and forget I said anything.

Lather, rinse, repeat

2008-04-03T19:40:00.004-05:00

I'd like to make a public apology to everyone in my life who I feel I am neglecting - especially NPapaya and every member of my family. I can't remember the last time I talked to my mom on the phone. Honestly, it might have been January. No joke. That's just wrong. (Although the phone does work both ways.) It's a good thing Friendster Guy is as busy as I am and that we share the same living space or I'd have one more person to feel guilty about not spending time with.

It's not that my life is chaotic or frenzied it's just that it's so...constant. I have just enough time to do the things I need to do and not as much to do the things I want to do. I have to find some balance.

I'll gonna get right on that. When I find the time.

That biatch Wendy

2008-03-30T16:49:00.003-05:00

Apparently Wendy's went ahead and raised the prices on everything on their 99 cent menu. I'm pretty sure you aren't allowed to call it the 99 cent menu if the items for sale are at least $1.09 and up.

When did this happen*? Why wasn't I informed? I could have saved myself an embarrassing moment in front of a 14 year old sales clerk at the drive-in if I had known. When you're out shopping and you know you only have about $2.31 in change to your name and you think that's going to cut it for two items off the cheapskate menu it is NOT COOL when the price has been raised and you have to stammer "uh, I'm short a dime [and unbelievably lame], can you take one of those items off?"

What IS cool however is when you pull up to the next window to pick up the one measly item you could afford and they give you both anyway.

Mmmm...Frosty...

*According to Wikipedia, "The menu was restructured in 2007 as the Super Value Menu with prices ranging from 99¢ to $2.00." Damn it!

Guilty pleasure - heavy on the guilt

2008-03-29T13:19:00.002-05:00

I'm sick.

I've had a head cold for the last few days. The hardest part however isn't the being sick, it's the guilt I'm feeling at getting nothing accomplished. I was ok the first few days, even canceling a couple clients and social engagements in order to get some rest, but for some reason today I feel like I'm a total slacker. I'm tryingg really hard not to feel bad about vegging on the couch but it's not quite working.

I've got things to do! People to see! And I'm not doing any of it. Would I be doing these things even if I felt better? We'll never know.

Items may have shifted during flight

2008-03-26T19:23:00.010-05:00

I would like to make a law banning jogging shorts from all gyms. I have come way too close to seeing male clients goods than I ever want to get. It makes for a very uncomfortable situation. What am I supposed to say? Excuse me sir, I think you need to corral your 'nads?

And may I point out that it's never the hot guys who are wearing them. (Not that I want to see their twig and giggle berries either. Cajones* should always be kept in check, even Brad Pitt's.)

* I'm trying to use as many slang terms for testicles as I can in this post. Feel free to add some more to the comments section. That's right, it's audience participation time. Follow the bouncing ball! (hee hee)

Happy Easter!

2008-03-22T07:55:00.003-05:00

I always wondered how they made those.

Go here for more irreverent and creative looks at the lives of the flotsam and jetsam of our junk drawers and kitchen cabinets.

The Best of Both Worlds

2008-03-20T10:15:00.002-05:00

You know why I love Friendster Guy? Because every so often, despite the fact that he is a manly, NRA card carrying, Republican firefighter, he shows his softer side.

Like yesterday when he was downloading music. I hadn't heard the song that was suddenly coming out of the speakers. It had a good beat and I asked, "Is that Brittany Spears?"

His reply?

"No, it's, uh, Hannah Montana."

Gosh you gotta love a guy who isn't afraid of tapping into his inner 9 year old girl.

Just a ploy to make sure I come back from vacation?

2008-03-18T11:56:00.001-05:00

Guess what?

I'm the employee of the month!

Freakin' A.

Jet Lag

2008-03-17T20:36:00.004-05:00

I'm back.

I'm tired.

Since I'm still on Colorado time my 7am training session this morning felt like it was at 5am.

I've never felt more like throwing my alarm clock out the window.

I can see why one of these might be cathartic.

Into thin air

2008-03-10T21:06:00.004-05:00

News flash: I am currently in the great state of Colorado skiing. This is the first time I have skied anywhere but a local northeast ski area since I learned how to ski last year. Surprisingly, I have not yet entered panic mode at being placed so far out of my comfort zone. In fact, I might even say I'm having fun. Except for the brief stint with altitude sickness earlier today when I got really nauseous. It's not good to be thinking, "Has anyone ever puked off the chairlift before? And might I become one of them in the next 3-5 minutes?"

The flight out was also, well, to put it mildly, like riding the vomit comet. It was an exercise in self control. I had to use every weapon in my motion sickness arsenal to stop myself from losing my cookies. I was pinching pressure points, pointing fans, meditating, singing songs to myself and everything else I could think of. This after I'd already had 2 dramine. I don't know if I've mentioned my motion sickness before. I have it. And lots of it. It makes for a good excuse when calling "Shotgun!" but is not so fabulous when you actually have to pull the car (or schoolbus) over in order to retch.

Anyway, I'm hydrating and taking deep oxygenating breaths so hopefully tomorrow I won't have to worry about keeping my lunch inside of my body so much.

P.S. Friendster Guy says I have to say something about him being cute now. He's wicked cute. Even when he skis too far ahead of me and doesn't wait for me before getting into the lift line.

Ear worm from Tatooine

2008-03-08T08:47:00.005-05:00

Normal people get songs stuck in their head. But me? I get stupid Star Wars quotes. Whiny, Luke Skywalker, quotes. Apparently, my inner geek is trying to get out.

Here's what is on repeat in my head:

"But I was gonna go into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!"

asphinctersayswhat?

2008-02-28T20:56:00.005-05:00

Here's a new one.

Today someone said to me, "Has anyone ever told you you look like Mike Myers?"

Sadly, now that he's said that, I don't actually disagree. Here's hoping he meant the non-costumed Mr. Myers and not, say, Austin Powers, or God forbid, Fat Bastard.

Looks like I have a few more Halloween costume options this year. Party on Garth!

Yeah baby yeah.

A diamond is forever...

2008-02-27T20:22:00.002-05:00

...but not so a marriage.

When I got divorced I got to keep the engagement ring. It was beautiful, but obviously unwearable in it's original format, so it's been sitting in my jewelry box for the last 2 and a half years. I tried to sell it last year but wasn't able to. Today, I finally got around to bringing it to a jewelry store to have it converted to a pendant. I'm also having my birthstone added to the setting. In addition, I brought my wedding ring in and I was able to exchange it for, literally, it's weight in gold. Surprisingly enough, and thanks to the current crazy gold market, I got almost what I originally paid for it.

All told I'm getting two new pieces of fancy schmancy jewelry for the low cost of about $200. Considering I never paid for the original ring I'd say that's a pretty good deal.

New National Holiday!

2008-02-22T17:33:00.003-05:00

I'm declaring February 22nd a national holiday.

Why you may ask?

Because today, dear readers, today is the day I tried on, zipped and fit into a pair of Levi's in a size 4. That is correct, a size FOUR. Needless to say, I bought those mo' fos. According to my calculations, and the tag of the last pair of jeans I bought (which I just checked my dropping trow in front of my computer), I skipped right past size six. Didn't even bother to stop and take a little break in the smallest size I ever wore previously. I'd say that's a better reason to celebrate than Ground Hogs Day or Arbor Day, wouldn't you? Hellz yeah.

Things that are dangerous

2008-02-21T06:29:00.003-05:00

1) Anything they do on Jackass.

2) Venomous snakes and insects.

3) Adding Space Invaders as a Widget to your blog. I was looking for a debt tracking Widget for my student loans. I didn't find that but I did find the classic game I can remember playing when I was 7. However, I don't even have time to post never mind play games. But, at least if I do get the chance/urge, I don't have to go searching for it, and niether do you. Enjoy!

See ya Sallie Mae!

2008-02-19T17:15:00.003-05:00

I've decided that I am going to pay off my student loan this year. All $10,000ish of it.

It's a lofty goal but if Friendster Guy continues to accept sexual favors in lieu of rent* I should be all set.

I've already applied my tax return to the principle bringing me down closer to $9,000. Since I now get such amazing things as commissions and bonuses in addition to my base salary, I'm going to apply that "extra" money to my loan payments. It's not enough to cover the $900 plus per month I need to pay but I'm feeling ambitious. As long as my car doesn't crap out and FG doesn't mind eating Ramen noodles 2 meals a day, I think it's doable.

* Just kidding. That would be prostitution and that's illegal. Not that I wouldn't be up for it. In fact, I've offered FG just that deal but he's too law abiding to accept. Why couldn't I find a nice morally bankrupt boyfriend? Sigh...

Our tax dollars at work.

2008-02-13T19:37:00.003-05:00

Can I ask a potentially stupid question?

Why is Congress spending so much time on the baseball steroid thing?

Is my life affected by this so-called scandal?

Don't they have better things to do than figure out if professional athletes took performance enhancing substances?

I'll save them some time. Of course they did! There. Now go spend my tax dollars on something else that actually matters.

Now all I need is a boob job and steroids.

2008-02-09T19:33:00.000-05:00

I have arrived!

One of my weight training/cardio classes gave me an American Gladiator name.

Ready for it?

Scroll down.

(I'm trying to create drama and suspense. Is it working?)

My AG name is Devastation.

How much does that f'ing rock? (I changed my avatar accordingly.)

Showers

2008-02-09T08:59:00.000-05:00

In lieu of an actual real post of substance here's an email forward I got from one of my clients. I'm still trying to figure out where they put the camera in order to tape our morning routine.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc... Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower and stand on bathmat. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband
along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass. Get in the shower, wash your face, wash your armpits. Pee. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend the majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck to the soap. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of
the shower. Avoid bathmat. Dry off forearms and butt only. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of the tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the"woo-woo" sound again! Throw wet towel on bed.

Ego tripping

2008-02-07T20:29:00.000-05:00

Despite now putting in 12 hour days I love my new job! You would too if this is what your Wednesday looked like

In one day I had one of the other trainers go out of their way to tell me I'm looking good, then my boss told the entire staff in a meeting that essentially I'm awesome and she wishes everyone were me, AND one of my clients wrote a letter to my employer telling them how much she loves working with me. I quote, "I want to tell you how absolutely delighted I am with my sessions. Sassy puts me through my paces with good humor, a huge level of energy, and is incredibly thoughtful about how I may be feeling...I cannot thank her enough for her patience, keen observations and really hard work."

Yup, yesterday was an awesome day. Quitting my office prisoner position was the best thing I ever did.

(And now I will attempt to get my swollen head through the door.)

Tattwo

2008-02-02T09:41:00.000-05:00

I have met my tattoo doppelganger.

If you are unfamiliar with the term it's because I just made it up. Simply, I have discovered another person with my exact same tramp stamp tattoo.

And she is annoying.

You know that person in a class who just can't stop talking? That's her. She's in my belly dancing class and she's got this Jerseygirl persona (no offense to Jersey) - gravely voice, teased hair, kinda trashy. Like Fran Dresher only with a lower voice.

My only consolation is that she is thinking of having it removed. Please do. Thanks.

Thank you HDTV...

2008-01-28T13:18:00.000-05:00

...for making me feel better about my winter mustache.

During the winter I become as pigmentally challenged as I possibly can, and believe you me, I start out already highly Caucasian and, without a dose of sunlight now and then, I tend toward the translucent end of the Honky spectrum. This coupled with my dark hair color creates a subtle shadow on my upper lip. But, thanks to my new TV and the Today Show in Hi Def I no longer feel upset about it. This morning I was able to see that the lovely Ann Curry (love her!) is also sporting just a subtle amount of fuzz. And if she can do it, so can I.

Who needs a depilatory now biatches? Not I, dear readers. Not I.

[Startling side note: Would you have guessed that Ann Curry is 51?! Damn. I need better genes.]

Freakin' Verizon

2008-01-26T20:36:00.000-05:00

So this whole Verizon email debacle of mine has wreaked havoc on my internet experience. I've had to re-sign up for all sorts of bloggy things, most of which I've forgotten and only remember when I think, "Hey wait a minute, wasn't I getting weekly emails telling me who's been to Big Girl Underoos?" I also forgot about the NaBloPoMo site. A belated sorry to all those of you who sent friend requests that I appeared to have ignored. It wasn't my fault!

Darn you Verizon! Darn you!

I can't get to MySpace

2008-01-23T09:11:00.001-05:00

I can't access my MySpace profile.

What happened was this: when I moved I canceled my Verizon phone service and, unbenownst to me ahead of time, they subsequently shut off my Verizon email account. Because MySpace only lets you update your account when you reply to their email to your old email address I'm S.O.L.

I'd emailed the powers that be at MySpace (not "Tom") to get it fixed and now I can't seem to get into my account with my old email address or my new address. I'm shut out. Which means I can't even go in and erase my profile. Given that I am now a more "public" figure I'd really like to go in there and change things. I'm not freaking out yet but because of this I'm giving a lot more thought to what's out there about me on the internet. As time goes by, my MySpace profile will be more and more out of date, not to mention cheesy. I'd rather not have potential clients seeing what is currently up there.

Anyone out there have any suggestions.

Ow...ouch...ow...dag nab it!

2008-01-21T21:05:00.001-05:00

I know, I know, I've been such a slacker of late. But there's a reason! I spent the last three days learning how to teach Body Pump, the class you can see in the amateur video below. (Note: This is not us. I just found it on YouTube) A group of my club's trainers and instructors taught and participated in this class about 20 times in 3 days. Needless to say, I am drained! I feel every muscle in my body.

Cool commercial, lame (lame!) script

2008-01-16T21:41:00.000-05:00

I wish I could find an online video of this Volvo S80 commercial to show you but I have scoured the internet and haven't come up with it.

Quick summary:

Woman on yacht gets text message from James Bond type. Woman jumps off boat onto ladder of helicopter. Man and woman speed toward unknown rendezvous. They meet. Man takes out necklace and says seductively, "Happy Anniversary, pudding."

Pudding?!

What the...?

Friendster Guy has now taken to calling me pudding at every imaginable opportunity. I may have to beat him.

Update - Ha!I found it!

The pot calling the kettle black

2008-01-14T08:40:00.000-05:00

I received the following comment from "Anonymous" on an old post of mine about the use of gross looking icons in drug commercials (i.e. the Mucus family).

"wow. i think this is the dumbest blog yet.
who cares what they use for advertisement.
does it really affect your life that much?
I actually collect pictures from magazines of these guys.
i have them hanging on my wall,
the whole mucus gang,
and every one loves them
why dont you find somthing better to do with your time than post blogs about this stupid shit.
gawd!"

And yet, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous, you felt the need to waste your time writing a comment almost as long as the post. Me thinks thou doth protest too much.

Getting in on Victoria's Secret

2008-01-13T17:51:00.000-05:00

I had a breakthrough.

Yes, after over 2 years of dating/seeing each other naked, I finally got up the nerve to wear lingerie in front of Friendster Guy. He literally exclaimed "Yikes!" (but in a good way) when he entered the bedroom. Since he was also simultaneously trying to remove his socks he almost fell over. All in all, a good, although somewhat unexpected, reaction.

I have previously chronicled my serious aversion to all things negligee here and here.

I've come a long way baby.

Doing my civic duty

2008-01-08T10:47:00.000-05:00

Sigh...

Well I did it. I voted.

It was surprisingly hard. I stood in the booth for a long time going Obama? Clinton? Obama? Clinton? I agree more with Clinton's policies but I know that there are people who will vote for anyone else but Clinton in the national election. I don't want to spend the next 4 to 8 years listening to the Democrats against the Republicans again. There needs to be more across the aisle interaction if anyone's policies are to be put in place. I personally think Hillary can do that if given the chance but I don't think she can overcome the strange animosity people have toward her. It bugs me that people dislike her simply for the sake of disliking her.

I've asked some friends and family why they don't like her and they can't give an actual reason. All they can say is "I just hate her." I keep thinking they are really saying "I just hate her...because she's a bitch." She's only a bitch because people have determined that "masculine" qualities on a woman equal "bitchy" instead of "leader". I'd bet if you had a male actor say the exact same things she's been saying in the same tone people would think he was perfect and ready to lead the country.

Anyway, I voted. It's done until November. A lot more people than me have to vote between now and then. Make sure you're one of them.

Eeny, meeny, meiny, mo...

2008-01-05T17:28:00.001-05:00

I'm voting in the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday. I'm still wavering on who to vote for. It's wonderful that this time it's not about choosing the lesser of 2 or 3 evils, it's about deciding between 2 or 3 people who would not only make great Presidents, but would also be historic appointments.

What's a liberal democrat to do?

For those of you in other states who have not yet been bombarded by elections broohaha, just wait, your time is coming. I am so looking forward to Wednesday when the commercials go away.

The Master of Tact and Discretion

2008-01-05T16:36:00.000-05:00

And speaking of Melrose Place...

Picture this, Massachusetts, 1990ish. A girl of about 15 (me) sits in a living room watching Melrose Place. Her stepfather (who at that point in her life is pretty much an asshole) is nearby reading the paper or something.

Sassy - (to a character on Melrose who is about to commence an affair) "No! Don't do it!"

Step-Father - "Huh? Do what?"

Sassy - "Have an affair. That woman is about to start fooling around with that guy. They shouldn't do that!"

Step-Father - "Why not?" (in a voice that clearly indicates he sees nothing wrong with it.)

Sassy (who knows her Mom is her step-father's 3rd wife and therefore is assuming he's the affair type) - "Because it's bad!"

Step-Father - "Well, why do you think your parents got a divorce?"

Sassy - "..."

Sassy - "..."

Sassy - "Wha...huh...wha...who? I mean, who...huh?

Step-Father, nonchalantly, - "Your Mom with me."

Sassy - "Oh"

Sassy recommences watching Melrose Place with intense concentration so as to appear nonplussed when all she really wants to do is shout "Fuck me with a chainsaw, I didn't need to know that!"

That's not exactly the way a girl wants to find out something like that. The whole scenario still kind of pisses me off. I'm glad I know it, and now that I have gone through a shitty relationship and divorce myself I understand, but at 15, that can pretty much rock your world.

Well hello Billy!

2008-01-03T13:58:00.000-05:00

I locked eyes and smiled at Andrew Shue while out skiing the other day. Twice. For those of you don't know, he played Billy Campbell on Melrose Place. If you were between the ages of 15 and 35 during the early/mid 90s, commence screaming like a teenager.

Just do it Sassy.

2008-01-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

Ok.

Now that the holidays are over I TOTALLY need to get back on the better eating wagon. If I ever was on that wagon in the first place.

How can I tell my clients they have to eat better if I'm shoveling everything I find into my mouth? I can't, that's what. I'm working on it though. Now that people aren't going to be giving me gifts of food I have more control. If it's not in the house, I won't eat it. Plus, if I don't go out as much I save money for my massages! Everything builds on everything else. And I'm not above self-bribery.

This year is all about me taking care of myself. I did the psychological stuff over the last couple years. Now that I'm all sorts of happy, I want to be healthy too. Go me.

What's wrong with this picture?

2008-01-01T21:05:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong to be chowing down on chocolate cake while watching The Biggest Loser?

Why yes Sassy. It is very wrong. Don't do it again.

Happy New Year! Commence resolutions!

2007-12-31T20:35:00.000-05:00

I started reading a book on the list - #529 - Catcher in the Rye.

I have preconceived notions about what "classic" books are about. So far, Catcher is not anything like what I thought it was going to be. Mostly, I thought it would be boring, you know, being an assigned book in school and all. So far, it's not. I suppose anything is better when it's not compulsory.

Note: I counted the number of books I've read on the list of 1000 and I come up with 54.

Addendum to Resolutions

2007-12-29T20:27:00.000-05:00

I'm adding two things to my New Year's Resolutions -

5) Read more using this list as a guide: 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die. I have no idea how many I've already read. I'll have to make a spreadsheet. You can do anything with a spreadsheet. Not that you should, but you can.

6) Get a massage every 6-8 weeks. This probably doesn't need an explanation. I had one for only the 3rd time this week. It's been at least 4 years since my last one. My gym has a spa attached to it and they had an intern doing free massages. Hello? Sign me up! Now that I've had one I'm wanting more. If I eat out less I might even be able to justify it. I wonder if I can write it off on my taxes?

A new addiction

2007-12-25T16:35:00.000-05:00

Uh oh.

I got Dance Dance Revolution for Christmas.

I'm SO going to kick this kid's butt.

Also, I'm going to need living room curtains.

Now all I need is a baker

2007-12-23T09:46:00.001-05:00

I painted our entry way yesterday Now the first floor of the condo looks exactly like a Panera Bread- Maroon, Olive Green, and "Gingery" (brown/orange).

I love it.

Something stinks

2007-12-22T08:03:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, I don't "get" perfume commercials.

J'adore

Britany Spear's Believe (I believe she needs serious help)

Kiera, I'm begging you, eat something!

Happiness is...

2007-12-21T19:41:00.000-05:00

... a warm chocolate croissant, cafe au lait, and snow outside the window.